Undoubtedly, right up there in my list of albums of the year
Possibly more than that,I'm not done listening to it.
Good music,you're never really done listening to it.
Heavy,would be an overstatement.
but it really did have an influence on Intimate.
For it took me back to the simplicity and vulnerability.
Of writing in first person,
It's been a while,
I've been in love with the third person,
a persona I adopted after admiring
how cleverly the so called "he/she"
brings out my ideas and thoughts
without leaving me overexposed.
Without leaving me fragile or frail
Overflowing but not empty.
Aah, the genius that is description in the third person
A genius I greatly admired in
Smeagol's ramblings in LOTR and the Hobbit
as well as in Atticus, the poet of the 21st Century.
I love Sza,
I love her freaking inividuality.
In a world,dull with copies.
Her sincerity.
How she sets aside the fear of being imperfect,of having flaws,shortcomings,imperfections,lapses in judgment,vulnerabilities.
You ought to know
I fall in love with people who've embodied
the beauty in chaos,
the unapologetic portrayals of
the glory of the moon,lonely and
riddled with imperfections yet brave enough to cast such a guiding glow.
Raw.
Those that don't fan the idea of
that insta-perfect,that Insta-lie(click here)
those that don't propagate the idea that perfection is supposedly proportional to happiness , nor the illusion of control.
You see that's the beauty
when you write in the first person
You cast the light inward.
You explore and embrace,your vulnerabilities,your own shortcomings,your own imperfections,your own mental graves.
You account for them, for your actions and choices
wholeheartedly and their subsequent consequences and for the roads they have led you to.
And in that spirit,
I promised myself,
a while back
to refrain from undoing others
from detangling them from their ideologies,their mindsets
to live and let live,to speak my truth.
and not be restless when it isn't echoed.
I promised to focus on casting the light inward,
Free from the self-righteous,condescending armour
writing in the third person sort of gives you.
To cast the light inward.
to tell my stories,
as they are
and not to paint them in a manner that they will appear to others
To never trade honesty for relatability.
Why do I write anyway?
Maybe I write,
because it's cheaper than therapy.
Maybe I write because
I'm an unoriginal
coming of age story,
questioning my journey,my existence,my purpose
seeking out the unexplainable why,of it all
up until I'm old enough to accept the uncertainty.
Maybe I write because
I'm a loose-end narcissist,
and I'm compelled to erect spotlights to shine above
Every tiny little occurrence in my life
and propagate it like some award-winning drama.
I don't have a straight answer.
I'll tell you what I do know though
I write because,
I feel,
I feel everything so deeply,
So very deeply,
And it's been both a gift and a curse,
If I gave it back,
I' be safer,I' be still.
I'd be safer,I'd be still,
less unsettled or not unsettled at all
I' be safer,I'd be still,
If I didn't tear up the fibers that make up things
If I took things as they are,
If I didn't seek out some sort of subliminal message
If I accepted that not all things are mine to understand
Then,
then I wouldn't ever write,because then I would never believe there was something worth writing about.
I write because It enables me to be vocal about social ills,societal misconceptions
I take a stand,
And nothing quite defines human character in my book
like standing up for something
And to me,being passive is one of the worst things a human can be.
"Lukewarm,is no good"
-Rohld Dahl.
I write because nothing rattles me up like injustice,
And we've become a world that polishes the boots
of those of who step on the downtrodden
dismissing whistle blowers as being overly sensitive or bitter.
And It's even more important to take a stand because I belong to a generation that does nothing better than to distance itself
from god-forbid anything with depth,
anything that's not superficially appealing,'catchy'.
I write with the intent to empower the female population,
to empower the masses in general,
But I am biased because
I cannot fit into all shoes,let alone walk in them
And I do not try too,
Being born female
I understand the issues,the misconceptions,the societal expectations and perceptions,the famished ideologies that hinder our progress,the struggles,the joys,the connections of my gender,the desires,the aspirations,the drawbacks,the deficiencies of being female.
I'm not all knowing,I do not claim to be
but because I understand first hand,I can address these issues.
And I was born with a vehement passion for this,one I will not apologize for.
And still even then I cannot speak for all females,
Writing about the female perspective
isn't about widening gender divisions,
or creating factions,or waging some sort of war
it's about confronting the issues that affect girls/women head on and drawing out the root cause and finding solutions,
it's about healing, empowering and enlightening
The people I most relate to,
Simply my contribution to the betterment of humanity.
Don't lecture me on my 'supposed' negligence of the boy child,
and how I do not empathize with his struggle
tell me what you're doing to create a better future for him,
You who has so much in common,with that little boy on the verge of discovering manhood.
I write to speak my truth,
And not just about my female perspective,
But my world view based on every description I possibly match.
And if not my perspective on the world or humanity,
I write to document every racy thought.
My blog,a public journal.
I write to file my growth,
As people do, tax returns
A register of change
The reminder that change is constant,
That we either grow into more
or fade into less
and that remaining the same is an illusion.
And every post is some sort of mark on my growth chart.
My growth as a writer,
but more importantly my personal growth,
with every post I hope to be more honest,
more certain,more collected,more inquisitive,more provoking,more insightful,more informed,more vulnerable,
less masks,less allusions,less third person
delving deeper and deeper into self-awareness,social consciousness
The further divine exploration of myself and my environment.
Each step forward hopefully a reflection of actual events.
Each step forward hopefully getting me closer to that higher purpose.
Ah,yes that often forgotten,misconceived higher purpose.
The breech birth that is our life's course.
That higher purpose,the home of all fulfillment.
I write though more so,
to myself,like a winding love letter.
Maybe that's the difference between me and other bloggers
Or at least I like to arrogantly think so,
I started out not to write to the masses but to create
a channel for my fast-flowing thoughts
To find reason at times or just to babble
to build a raft for the ideological storms that wrestle within me.
Among other things,
To water my soul,the best way I know how
To find my own truth
To surrender to free thought,to be consumed by it.
And as I write I surrender,I am consumed
I feel this overwhelming sense of freedom,
a lightness,I can't quite express.
I am in flight.
And I learnt to embrace them,these winding love letters
My embrace a depiction of my growing acceptance of self.
And they have become a blessing,one that I can only give myself.
I started out not with an end in mind
not with one distinct idea to pass across
And with no disrespect to the gifted one-streamed writers,
I could never be a titled blogger,
fashion,food,travel,what have you
I couldn't possibly limit myself like that.
Heck,I couldn't even possibly guarantee my readers,
that a post would make sense or that they'd remotely relate to it.
But isn't that the benevolent miracle that is art,
You either get it,or you don't
It doesn't speak to you,or it does.
Yet another reason,
I'm wistfully taken
by Atticus,the poet of the 21st century
Other than it's beauty
I'm taken by the brevity of his work,
A straight shot,down your spine
He delivers in only a few words
And in that brevity
You're either taken,spiraling,plunged into thought
Or you're not.
Fireworks set flight in your heart,or you feel nothing.
And he offers no explanation,no convincing statement or argument
as to why he wrote it nor does he allow you to track his thought process.
He just writes,
Art isn't supposed to be logical
If you're keen you realize that it is not aimless.
It is what it is,however
you take it or leave it.
It is not for everyone,
He is not for everyone
and I've found immense comfort coming to terms with the fact
that neither I'm I.
So as you read my winding love letters,
there is no black and white
sip the words,swirl them in your mouth and define the taste,
and when you give me feedback,
tell me how it tasted,in your own words,in your own definition.
There is no guidebook,
no matter how well you think you know me.
Comments