You must become the missing piece
And they will tell you anything
~Red Sparrow.
You should check out the trailer.
My consistent use of the word 'should'You'll have to forgive me, I'm a recovering control freak
and growth is never linear.
I've come to love how I look at 5'oclock in the morning.
After a heavy night
In the arms of someone
well, in arms I shouldn't have been in.
I've come to learn that
I'm a 'star-crossed lover at heart'
Always falling for those I supposedly "shouldn't".
I've come to love how I look at 5'oclock in the morning,
After a night out
And my lipstick is all smudged,
And my eyes are puffy
under the weight of fading eye shadow and no sleep.
I've come to love that I am awakened by moonlight
As if my blood is a tide, pulled in after sunset.
That I live for the midnight flings,
Stuffed with mystery and passion.
I've come to learn that I'm not one for daytime romance
That lunch and dinner dates and late night movies
And hand -holding
aren't things that come to me naturally.
I marvel at the idea of human interaction,
no,
in fact
"I crave the depth of mutual human understanding
but tire easily in social situations"
I've come to love that I'm atypical
in more ways than one
as if I repel normal
It has fashioned both
who
I am and who I am not,
but more so it will fashion
who I am becoming.
I've come to love
that I'm what I like to call a content loner,
it amplifies the 'tortured artist' look I'm going for
Tortured by virtue of being an
"open book in a culture that doesn't read"
Tortured by feeling things too deeply or too little
And the inability to find a middle ground
being an obstacle in most typical human relationships.
Because that's always it,
That's the deal-breaker right?
It didn't work out because,
You either felt too little or too much.
You either did too little or too much.
You often don't win with humans,
Or at least there is no clear cut win,
I guess that's why they invented compromise.
There's no 'clear cut' anything,really
We're all sort of floating around
Tethered only to our own definition of 'purpose'
I've come to love the days when I'm laden with ambition,
ambition and will
and I fawn over the possibility
of post-graduate Ivy league prospects
and a lifetime of accolades and laureates
"Because men suffer more from imagining too little than too much"
-Pt.Barnum.
The Greatest Showman.
But most importantly I've come to love these days
just as much as the days that,
My greatest ambition is to perfectly flip over an omelette
without it splitting into awkward little pieces.
The big tee, no pants kind of days.
when my foresight is clouded by the smell of over -worn pajamas
and I have only the will to exist.
"I've comes to love the sound of my feet walking away from that which no longer brings me peace"
I've learnt to let people in through a revolving door,
Holding no one captive to stay in,
that most people in life
Are seasonal,
and we must learn to let them go amicably,
when it's time,
when the energy is no longer right.
Wish them well and be on our way.
I've come to learn that love isn't a spectrum
it's a colour of varying shade
and intensity,
that we love differently,
and we cannot teach another to love as we do.
I've come to love that I no longer feel the need
to apologize for loving and thinking and feeling as I do
I've come to love that I'm no longer unsettled when my views and opinions aren't echoed.
I've come to learn
that
"a real sign of progress is when we no longer
punish ourselves for our imperfections"
-Yung pueblo
I've come to love that "even when I forget
to love myself
some days,
"I keep trying
and that alone is a victory."
I've come to love all I am and slowly and delicately.
unbecoming all that I am not.
Becoming and unbecoming.
Because growth is never linear.
"Like all journeys
she did not end,she just simply changed directions
and kept going"
-r.m drake.
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