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WARM YELLOWS

It's chilly
and I'm in that mental state where I'm both tired and confused.
It's 5.22pm,
I know
but I sort of never woke up,
Properly.
You know,
Those days.

 I should write,
I should have written
I'm starting to accumulate more drafts than posts.
Self-doubt is a thing,I guess.
Inconsistency,procrastination,those are things too.

 But,
but also,
You told me to get a life
didn't you?
You told me to stop writing like I've circled the world
and I have everything figured out.


 Well I still haven't
But I did get a life
I felt.
I felt a lot of things
The year so far has had me all up in my feelings
Feelings
Crashing in and out of me
like waves at a shore.

 This far I've felt both joy and sadness
More than I presume
I've felt my entire life.
But then again,
You'ld be surprised what the human mind can forget.

 It's a perfect time to write,
Well perfect maybe isn't the word,
but i'm in the middle of one of those
Stringy T.V series
Stringy.
I like that word.
Like goo
Like thready cheese fibres.
It's stringy.
It's hanging bordering between suspense and boredom,
No,it isn't boring
But it's hanging between suspense and boredom.
Something insane is about to happen
I'm sure,
But nothing has happened,not yet
Not for a while,now anyway.

 I guess that's the same way I felt at the beginning of the year.

It's my kind of show,
Stringy and spacy.
Spacy because of the lengthy pauses and the soliloquy
And the dark clouds,eerie silence setting.
And the blessed cinematography.
A sequence of perfect shots.
It makes me feel calm.

 It's the perfect time to write,
Oh fuck it,
I couldn't find a better word.

 It's 5.34
Post meridian.
There's not much of a sunset 
I guess there's not much of a sunrise either
These days.

 I'll tell you about it,
slowly and delicately
I'll try not leave so many thoughts out.

 As much as I can remember,
I promise.

I got wonderfully lost
I got blissfully lost.

But I won't spoil it,
I'll roll it out, gently.

A non-factor maybe,
to start of,
like an amusing anecdote
at a diner table
A diner table filled with people
who'll grow to become nothing more than mere acquaintances. 

 I'll end with that,
this post,I mean
a non-factor.

 I think of you,
When I'm in a furniture store
And they're picking out wallpaper
for the new house
And I imagine picking out wallpaper with you.
And you scoffing at the prints.

 I think of you,
At airports,
And I remember how you used to say
That I'd be the one getting us lost,late
or both.
And I imagine getting worked up,
when you ask me to re-check the board.

 I think of you
Mid-flight
snuggling up
And you making fun
of the cheesy movie,I picked.

 I think of you,
Mid-adventure,
Knowing how much 
you share my appreciation for the unknown.

 I think of you 
At the starting scenes
Of my movies
Thinking
How you'd say something between witty and charming and stupid
Draw comparisons
And we'd  pick out the actors and actresses by name.
And be 
The Monarchss of our own little film club.

 You're a non-factor
It's a non-issue.
I think of you,sometimes
And no matter how far apart my intervals of thought are
I sure hope it's sunny
Wherever you are.





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