all the messed up muddled truth
and I will tell you mine
and we can be
forever
the secret keepers
of each other's real"
-Atticus.
I love this.
The honesty,
The raw,refreshing honesty,
the raw refreshing honesty of an honest conversation.
"I like people on the table,open"
I like myself,on the table, open
and my favorite people
Heck my favorite things
are ranked based on the level of vulnerability they allow me to relish in.
How comfortable they are when my flower is in full bloom.
I like people,raw and honest
I like myself,raw and honest.
That Ella Mai 'naked'.
I like people
I like myself,
"Seeing what's lost behind flaws"
Bless her heart for creating a video
aimed at promoting body positivity and social change.
Honesty,vulnerability
as undeniable as chemistry,
Chemistry,
because it isn't something that can be hidden or faked.
It is something the body,heart and soul knows
even though the mind is unwilling to acknowledge or admit.
It's beautiful
one of the few human 'emotions' so to speak
that hasn't been tainted by falsehoods,
a cable we cannot reel in and reel out as we please,
much less dictate what it hooks on to.
Happiness and love were too intended to be untainted,
and to some extent their true forms remain pure as the driven snow,
but
the world has somehow managed to fashion definition pillars
Dictating,
no limiting
what we are seemingly 'allowed' to define as happiness and love
and how it is 'socially acceptable' to express them.
And these 'definition pillars' are growing higher and higher
crowding up our skylines
until they'll be no sun rays left.
The world and it's limits,
The world and it's freaking limits.
I'll save you from my 'F-society speech'
We blame society,but we are society.
But,
but,
but sentences 'shouldn't' start with but.
Grammar is a limit.
Proper grammar anyway,creatives were given a free pass.
Creativity is a free pass,
the finest form of freedom.
We blame society,but we are society.
"To be a negro in this country,
and to be relatively conscious
is to be in a rage,almost all the time"
-James Baldwin.
I understand the context but as a universal take-home,
I think to be human,and to be relatively conscious
is to be in a rage all the time.
So by all means
F society.
Society and it's constructs
and its suffocating limits.
That have made us so afraid to love,
so afraid to love without conditions,
and statutes and expectations and decrees
so afraid to give,
without taking stock and keeping ledgers,and adding interest
so afraid to give,
without taking.
so afraid of extending kindness,
for fear of being used
so afraid to be available and freely-giving
for fear of being disposable,
so afraid to be vulnerable
for fear of being open to manipulation
for fear of being rejected for who we are underneath
our carefully,delicately embroidered persona
everyone meets at your shores.
Fear is deceitful,
but it's a bigger shaitan,
than we give it credit for.
And it coins one hell of a convincing argument
just ask the list of things you chickened out of saying or doing
Fear,would've kicked-ass at law school.
"Hear me,all of you,and understand
there is nothing outside a man which by going into him
can defile him,
but the things which come out of a man are what defile him"
Mark 7:18-21
Wisdom from it's source.
Fear like other self-limiting evils,
is an inside job.
"Stems from the heart"
gathering rage and punch from it's rhythm.
All society has done is to amplify these
self-limiting shaitans
and convince them to prick your skin
and tear into your soul,casting out all light
fear,doubt,anxiety,insecurity and what not.
and then as a band-aid for your troubles
society has
created an internet of 'quick fixes'.
It all stems from the heart,
the power of our thoughts
the law of attraction.
The power of our thoughts,
like a frequency,a series of wavelengths that determine the images displayed.
and that picture being what we see around us.
"Your personal philosophy
is the greatest determining
factor in how your life works out"
-Jim Rohn.
It's riveting,
the intel,the insight
we gather over the years,
that we've gathered since childhood
as a rolling stone gathers moss.
laying our hats in the places we've called home.
It's a lot more riveting
if you're anything like me,
and you're cuffed by a crippling sense of self-awareness
that makes you both liberi et vinctum
that makes you both free and bound.
If you're anything like me,
self-scrutiny is a pass time
and you are the Nick Carraway to your Jay Gatsby.
You analyze yourself from
"within and without,
simultaneously enchanted and repelled"
-Nick Carraway.
I couldn't help myself,
sorry not sorry,
I told you,love is a beautifully crafted character,
that's earth-shatteringly relatable,
with endlessly lurking shadows of introspection and soliloquy
Nick is right up there on my list
and Toby Maguire's performance was everything.
Few things beat the blissful ignorance
and carefree spirit of childhood,
we've learnt gradually what we 'cannot' do,
and for the most part we didn't determine this based
on physical capability but by conditioning and the oversung fear of trying.
As a kid,you didn't know any better
You didn't know what you could or couldn't do,
So you did it all.
You said it all,
before you were taught that it wasn't your strong-suit or it was impolite or something in reference to those ghastly gender roles.
You did it all
and you said it all,
Because all you knew was the truth,
your truth.
You didn't know that truth had versions,or variations
or differed depending on the context,depending on the audience.
All you knew was black or white
but look how your
only-rainbow-colours-knowing- simple-minded ass has grown,
*Insert Issa Rae's voice here,because 'Insecure' is love*
Now truth has versions and variations
and context and 'audience suitability'
and can be ranked based on entertainment value
and make you more/less likeable/socially acceptable
You're an avid believer in gray,
And you've even consumed the fact that grey by itself is an entire sub-colour chart.
Aah,childhood
simpler times.
What was my point again?
haha,I do this a lot.
*Takes bathroom break,while staring longingly into the afternoon sun for guidance and then serves another bowl of cold spaghetti and remembers not yet achieving water-drinking goal for the day"
My point is
As kids,
The limit did not exist
The limit does not exist.
Like infinity or
| lim x-> 0 | ln(1-x) - sin(x) 1-cos2(x) |
As kids,
you joined choir and stood on stages
and danced without vodka,
you spoke up,and assumed leadership,
and fell in love and gave everything a try
and went wherever it was your little heart told you.
So what changed?
We learned our limits,
We learned 'how far we could go'
We learned to try only when we were somewhat assured about the outcome.
And we keeping learning of limits and affirming them and reaffirming them and carving them like trible-markings on our backs.
And fear has us at its beck and call
and doubt and anxiety hang over us like some dreadful out of order street-lamp.
Haha,I like that
'Out of order'
And we constantly feel not good enough,
not *insert whatever debilitating adjective holds you hostage*
The tether that keeps you grazing on the same dried up fields isn't unseen it's non-existent.
See the triffling thing about human beings,
and what has us constantly tuned into the negative and focused on our inadequacy,
is that we're hell bent
on the idea on our supposed idea of 'what our life should be like'
What we should look like,what we should be doing,
what we should have achieved,where we should be by now.
And it's this thought-path
that has us scoffing at the sun-rise,
sleep-walking through life,accepting our unhappiness as the repercussions of our under-achievement.
"Fall for who you are,
For who you once were
Honour them,
For leading you here."
-Harpreet M. Dayal.
Honour you journey,
honour your present,
honour all that you are and all that you're not.
Honour your past
Honour your flaws and your mistakes
Honour the fact that you are not the person you were last year,
honour that you've gathered wisdom and gained knowledge and insight.
Honour that you have become stronger in the broken places,
honour that every bend and every twist led you here.
Honour all that you have been through
honour the Grace that got you through
Honour the hope you still hold on to
Honour the times you cracked open
honour how they helped you understand,
honour how they made you gentler and softer and adaptable
honour the human condition,
honour its resilience.
Embrace your journey,
embrace the limitlessness of the future
embrace that at any moment you can change your life.
Honour,Embrace and follow your bliss.
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