Unsettled

" Tell me the truth of you all the messed up muddled truth and I will tell you mine and we can be forever  the secret keepers of each other's real" -Atticus. I love this. The honesty, The raw,refreshing honesty, the raw refreshing honesty of an honest conversation. "I like people on the table,open" I like myself,on the table, open and my favorite people Heck my favorite things are ranked based on the level of vulnerability they allow me to relish in. How comfortable they are when my flower is in full bloom. I like people,raw and honest I like myself,raw and honest. That Ella Mai 'naked'. I like people I like myself, "Seeing what's lost behind flaws" Bless her heart for creating a video aimed at promoting body positivity and social change. Honesty,vulnerability as undeniable as chemistry , Chemistry, because it isn't something that can be hidden or faked. It is something the body,heart and soul kno...

It's been a while since I held a book in my arms, An actual hard copy, It's been a while since my fingers have creased pages, since my thoughts have curled up on the blank spaces between chapters. I'm experiencing withdrawal, and it's coming in the form of jerky neck reflexes Every time I see a book stand. I miss my boarding pass bookmarks, I miss turning the pages And I miss the mini-debate in my head, deciding whether it's a good idea to highlight the words/sentences/ideas I love the most. There's an element of personality it gives it but then again there's an eternal feel to a book with only words. For person(s) so eager to buy me drinks, I'll send you a copy of my reading list. If I was to put up dedications for this post, and I have put thought into this unlike some of my words, It would have to be to my darling Julie. And my kindred-writer-soul friend,Diggie. I just feel that there's something about wh...

It's chilly and I'm in that mental state where I'm both tired and confused. It's 5.22pm, I know but I sort of never woke up, Properly. You know, Those days. I should write, I should have written I'm starting to accumulate more drafts than posts. Self-doubt is a thing,I guess. Inconsistency,procrastination,those are things too. But, but also, You told me to get a life didn't you? You told me to stop writing like I've circled the world and I have everything figured out. Well I still haven't But I did get a life I felt. I felt a lot of things The year so far has had me all up in my feelings Feelings Crashing in and out of me like waves at a shore. This far I've felt both joy and sadness More than I presume I've felt my entire life. But then again, You'ld be surprised what the human mind can forget. It's a perfect time to write, Well perfect maybe isn't the word, but i'm in the middle of one o...

" Human beings are a puzzle of wants, You must become the missing piece And they will tell you anything ~Red Sparrow. You should check out the trailer. My consistent use of  the word 'should' You'll have to forgive me, I'm a recovering control freak and growth is never linear. I've come to love how I look at 5'oclock in the morning. After a heavy night In the arms of someone well, in arms I shouldn't have been in. I've come to learn that I'm a 'star-crossed lover at heart' Always falling for those I supposedly " shouldn't". I've come to love how I look at 5'oclock in the morning, After a night out And my lipstick is all smudged, And my eyes are puffy under the weight of fading eye shadow and no sleep. I've come to love that I  am awakened by moonlight As if my blood is a tide, pulled in after sunset. That I live for the midnight flings, Stuffed with mystery and passion. I...

I wrote the last post just after listening to Sza's Ctrl album Undoubtedly, right up there in my list of albums of the year Possibly more than that,I'm not done listening to it. Good music,you're never really done listening to it. Heavy,would be an overstatement. but it really did have an influence on Intimate . For it took me back to the simplicity and vulnerability. Of writing in first person, It's been a while, I've been in love with the third person, a persona I adopted after admiring  how cleverly the so called  " he/she" brings out my ideas and thoughts without leaving me overexposed. Without leaving me fragile or frail Overflowing but not empty. Aah, the genius that is description in the third person A genius I greatly admired in  Smeagol's ramblings in LOTR and the Hobbit as well as in Atticus , the poet of the 21st Century. I love Sza, I love her freaking inividuality. In a world,dull with copies. Her sincerity....

What's your favourite deadly sin? You know the one you so easily slip into Like a night gown, a second skin. And don't give me that look. That pious, unknowing look. As if it's something you've never thought of, As if it's something you've never imagined. Not in my wording, you haven't But you've thought about it alright. Mine's lust. It was nearly a close tie with pride. Nearly. Sexuality is a gift. Arguably, a piece of divinity. And I honestly mean that in a non-blasphemous way. Nothing to be ashamed of, But I'm a...  Forget black... I am an African girl Daughter of the soil And I'm meant to say the very word in whispers. I'm meant to tuck it underneath my lengthened hemlines, I'm meant to tuck it underneath my unspoken inners. You know the ones we were taught to hang where no 'male' figure could see them and  the ones we knew far better than to leave lying around. Lest he sees. Lest he freak...